Hello, my name is Patricia A. Guillermo and I am reporting from my house. I loved copying new reporters on TV. They always sound so silly yet important at the same time. There was something about being a news reporter that applied to me but I didn’t know what. I guess a part of me wanted to do what they did. As a child, I found it fascinating how composed and calm they are when reporting horrific events going on around the world. I still admire news readers now as an adult. But now I don’t know if I can do all the research and report on semi-biased opinions or hypocritical views they might have that aren’t in line with their own personal views. Plus I prefer writing compared to talk anyways. I guess that is my news reporter/reader little girl dream fading further away.
I have been meaning to post this for a long time but I keep forgetting lol. On November 25 2017, I started a Gratitude Board for myself after my mum suggested it for my sister, Vanessa. I decided to steal the idea because I recently have been feeling down and I don’t really know why. I also felt that I have so many things that I should be grateful for that I don’t realise in the moment because I get overwhelmed easily. So, the gratitude board will help me recognise the little things in life and have something to look forward to at the end of the day.
I am currently on Day 78 today and I will keep you posted on how it’s going once in a while but I am planning on doing the gratitude board for a whole year or maybe even more. So I will update on it once in a while to discuss my gratitude progress.
Let me know if you have ever done a Gratitude Board or Journal before and what are some of the things you are currently grateful for.
I felt I needed to write about this not only because I am a woman but because there have been so many times I felt I have been silenced in fear of saying something wrong.
Over the last several months, the world has been discussing the sexual harassment accusations and scandals surrounding some of the most powerful and well-known men of the film industry. Men we have grown up idolizing with posters on our walls, men we have respected for so many years and careers we have followed and still do. Men have run the film industry for many many years and often we discuss men as directors, producers, cameramen, filmmakers and leading actors. Men have been praised for and paid more compared to women. Men get the better roles and to be honest most roles in the film industry. It wasn’t until recently that women have been getting publicity in term of their roles within the industry that is probably down to the topic of gender equality.
Women have always been the supportive gender, never the leading. Women are expected to look pretty and be objectified because men say so. Women are expected to act in a certain way and never get in the way of men. But with these scandals and all because of a man named Harvey Weinstein, women are rewriting all the things they have never had the courage to do or say because they can. These brave women have been coming forward and finding their voices to talk about the most disgusting, most vile and most sickening things some men have been capable and frankly been allowed to do to them and their bodies. Forceful things. Demeaning things. Things we once thought were too taboo to talk about. Well not anymore. Women have found their voice and they are making a stand and as a woman, I find it so empowering and inspiring that this is happening right now.
I cannot compare myself to what these women have been subjected to and I will not imagine the horrific things they had to do for men like Weinstein. I am saying that all men are horrible human beings because that would be an exaggeration to mine and other women’s stories. But there have been things in each of their stories that I can relate to. Most of my relationships have been good but I have come out of them as someone I barely recognised and not in a good way. There have been points in my relationships when I have been called a liar because I was 13 and told his friends he showed me his penis and they, of course, took his side. A time when I found out that he had been seeing someone else behind my back like I could be replaced in an instant. The times when I said no and he shakes his head like I’m the one in the wrong. Or when I begged him to stay and he brushed it off and said ‘we’re just not meant to be, you’ll find someone else’ and then comes back 3 months later telling me he loves me and I took him back. I loved them all but looking back, I never realised how dependent I was to hand them over the control, times when I knew I was right but bit my tongue in the fear I will get shut down anyway. I always took the blame and I always took them back because I am willing to compromise my feelings so they’ll stay in the same way these women were petrified in losing their jobs so they chose to compromise also.
I feel so proud of these women and the change they are making to the world not only in defining gender but defining the power and influence of women. Six months ago, I ended a 4-year relationship with a guy I promised myself would be the one I wanted to marry. It was an amazing relationship and we had our ups and downs but we stuck by each other even though we were 3 hours apart for nearly 3 years. I ended it because he was moving to another country and I had to admit that it was not going to work out. He also told me that I never made effort and I should have taken his money and come visited him. He told me that I am in the wrong and we need to talk about this issue more often. I told him that I wish him good luck, I hope we meet each other again one day and then I broke up with him. I thought I would regret it and I felt so disappointed it ended kind of bitter but honestly, when I woke up the next morning, it was like a huge weight was lifted off me and I smiled so wholeheartedly.
Two months after that, the news about Weinstein came in and floods of women started to speak up and they continue to do so as evidenced by the Golden Globes last night. Six months on, I am writing to you about the influence of women and I can confidently say I made one of the best decisions in my life. I can breathe and laugh and I have never felt more me than I am today.
As Oprah said last night at the Golden Globes ‘A New Day is on the Horizon’ and damn I have a feeling we will see a lot of women in every new day!
I used to have a Pinterest account for my A-Levels art class that we had for one of the modules but back then I wasn’t really into it. I just didn’t get the concept and the whole thing wasn’t really my thing. We used it for one of the modules that had to do with the human anatomy and so I used it to collect brain images and create boards about body types which then led to a psychological project about the human mind on body image. I tried to create some more random boards as a personal hobby but it didn’t stick and it was just time-consuming.
But now that I have more time on my hands and my sister said I should give it another go, I have decided to take up Pinteresting again lol. So far, there have been a lot of quotes collecting and a lot of Once Upon A Time pictures sourced (especially OutlawQueen). I don’t really know if I can carry on with it on a consistent basis but I am sure in between jobs and doing chores and when I am super bored I will be able to full through the Pinterest rabbit hole and probably never reappear again!
Welcome to my World
Hey this is me | & I’m da person she really want 2 b
Ermmmm says who? | oh darling u do
I don’t think so, you’re mistaken| at least I hav an opinion & not fakin
I’m not fake, I just don’t like to say it out loud| well speak up & act like ur proud
I am proud, thank you very much| not really u seem out of touch
Well, tell me why are you better| ha! Jst take a look at ur sweater!
Darling jst move ovr, make way 4 da Queen
Open ur eyes widr wher hav u been?
I’m da voice in ur head dat makes u insane
Likes 2 play now & again w/ ur little brain
I hav multiple charactrs diffrnt & bettr versions of u
So fierce, so loud, so funny & a guy’s dream com true
So while u scroll I’m silently judgin
No matter wat u do I’m not budgin
Well Why are you interfering with me| cuz dear I kno wat u really want 2 b
Well care to enlighten me some more| u desperately like 2 b da 1 people adore
That’s not bad, Can’t a girl want some love| yea & 2 get dat u hav 2 b abov
Above? what exactly are you implying?| oh ur naivety is somethin I’m not buyin
Well let me tell you this I’m not always nice
I can be mean and that can come as a surprise
Don’t mess with me I like things just the way they are
Present time is where I’m happy not near not far
So just go away, bite your tongue and zip your lips
By the way, I think your fake, Ms photoshopped hips
You may be queen of my head but you can’t rule me
I’m the real thing you’re a big headed wanna be
Now what do you say to that| brava dear turns out ur not so flat
Well now will you go away?| Sorry I’m not done 4 da day
What else do you wanna do?| make my dreams com true
Yea like what?| mov ovr & let me take dat!
Let’s change ur look & make u pretty
Cut da desperation & dat stinking pity
Fix ur face & make u thinnr
U can bcom da all round winnr
Den we can chat up sevral guys on virtual worlds
Woe dem w/ ur looks & som flirty words
Den while he’s at work we can spy on ur ‘friends’
Laugh at deir mistakes & secretly poke fun at deir ‘trends’
U c u will always win as long as I’m in charge
Cuz I think bold bright & jst xtra large
Plus no 1 online will kno it’s u
& even if dey find out, wat r dey gonna do?
So darling jst admit dat I’m right
Spread ur wings & take flight
Like I said leave it all up 2 me
Right u ready… 123!
Don’t u look like a dream com true?| OMG I’m just like you!
Xactly. Excpt I’m da bettr twin| but I just can’t let you win
But darlin I already hav, game ovr| no it’s not better take cover
You see you may judge and take a stand
But your thoughts don’t even reach my hand
Your mood is stored behind a filter
Huh? Hun, why do you look so bitter?
Your style and looks really highlights your physique
Too bad it’s been done, turns out your not unique
Your insults are barely noticed, plus they are pretty old
Your opinions aren’t valid, dearie you’ve been told
From now on just stay in my head but stay cute
Keep babbling and mumbling, it’s okay you’re on mute
You think you’ve won well go look at your reflection
I hope you’re okay with this extra large rejection
Cause you’re behind a screen, just another online version
You’ve got to remember I’m the real person
Awwwwwww sorry… Gotta go… Please don’t shout
Not does it matter, see you soon, I’m….signing out!
This poem was inspired by a project I did for my first year at Uni where we had to create a form of self-representation and I chose to create one for an online representation of the conflict decision to which side of you, you would like to portray to the online world. This was an early idea I had and it didn’t quite work out in the end but since I wrote the poem already I thought I might as well share it on here.
I was naughty, I got detention
I was so sad, I went into depression
I am now broke, its the recession
I’m so stressed, give me your attention
I’m completely lost, give me direction
I’m at the bottom, no motivation
I need a home, no accommodation
The world is filled with discrimination
Violence and racism in every nation
Tell me how we got into this situation?
Maybe we should blame evolution
Better yet, let’s blame natural selection
But people, we destroyed God’s creation
We should welcome the flood
Let’s all drink Christ’s blood
Let volcanoes erupt and earth quake
Let’s do good for goodness sake
God placed humans to look after and stay
Pray have faith and keep loving…
For its nearly Judgement Day!
Realise is about the destruction of the world. I wrote this poem towards the end of high school because I just found the world to be filled with conflict and fighting and violence and inequality. I thought that writing this poem would make a difference and change the world in some way. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. I am saddened that conflict and inequality still exist now and people are still afraid to change their mindset or be open to other’s views of the world. This poem was written 5 years ago and nothing seems to have changed.
I just found my old university blog I did for one of my modules, which is probably where the inspiration to create a blog started. I just found it so weird to be reading something a first-year university student created. The whole blog was for a module called ‘Networked Image’ where we explored various things related to blogs and activities we can do online.
Go check out Networked World (<—click the link) and find out about the module and what we did within that module as well as getting an insight on the first ever blog I created.