Orange Juice Grudge

Whilst I was still going out with that boy from ‘Sat Next to Me’ post we were just hanging out being lovey-dovey (which makes me kind of nauseous thinking about it) sitting on a bench by the football field. We were talking and he leaned in to kiss me and the next thing I know, my hair and my back are drenched in orange juice. We look up and there were two of his mates laughing with amusement and one of them has an empty orange juice bottle in his hand. I turned around: ‘Why did you do that for?!’. He sneered at me: ‘Sorry it slipped.’ was the bullshit excuse that came out of his mouth. I wanted to hit him so bad but the tears came before the fist so instead, I ran to the bathroom to fix myself. I left a group of people puzzled and heard ‘Dude, what did you do?’ (which was aimed at my boyfriend). I ran to the toilet and cried with embarrassment. I was angry that I smell of orange juice and angry that my so-called-boyfriend just stood there like an idiot and watch one of his friends humiliate me (I was also pissed at the orange pouring douche of course). I composed myself and went outside met by all these people who witnessed what happened and some people who liked a gossip, trying to find out what happened. I looked at my boyfriend and his douchebag friend who were stood side by side, both looking guilty and dumbfounded but no word of apology or comfort came forward. I walked past the crowd as the bell rang and the next day all events were forgotten. I still remembered though to this day and honestly the grudge game is still strong.

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She had “that” Vibe

Ever had anyone who suddenly comes into your school and jumps into your friendship group like it was an okay thing to do? Well, I have (twice). I am a friendly person and is open to being kind to you and being friends with you. But after a while, she had a vibe about her. I am normally good at sensing people’s aura but I think there was a delay or something. She came to high school in the third year and she jumped into the friendship circle I was in. I was okay with her for a little bit and stayed friends with her until the end. But it was the little things she said to me and did that questioned how much of a friend she really is:

  • My first boyfriend broke up with me and she confessed later that she found him very cute and fancied him when she first started but saw he was with me and decided to stay away.
  • I told her that I fancy this guy in confidence and she went out to ask him out for me but ended up “accidentally” asking him out for herself.
  • We were supposed to be in a group for our final drama performance and she was telling me how she is extremely reluctant to work with this guy in our group. The day came when the drama teacher asked us to form our groups and I looked like a right idiot sitting there by myself when she moved to another group. She didn’t tell me anything about moving but she casually apologised a week later (like that makes it okay) *
  • I joked about her looking like one of the traffic lights when she wore a red dress to prom and she was sat next to two other people wearing orange and green (one of which was actually me). She didn’t like that and snubbed our table to hang out with other people for the rest of the event.
  • She moved to the Sixth Form college I went to and again (she did it twice!) hanged out with my friendship group I was in and acted like I was being distant. (I ended up leaving that friendship group after they all showed their true colours).
  • I invited her to my 18th birthday party, she sang me a song and at the end of the evening, she didn’t thank me and I haven’t heard from her since.

I know that when I had started having bad vibes about her that I should have walked away much sooner and not welcomed her as my friend. But seriously, if I had just walked away I would have been the one seen as bitchy and I didn’t want that. Also, I know that being an angsty teenager I tend to have bad days and so I thought maybe I was just reflecting my problems on her (my sister also admitted she got that vibe about her when I told her about this post) but I just had a gut feeling that I am right. This experience taught me to be cautious of people who claim to be my “friend” because sometimes their intentions are not real.

*I will post a follow-up story to explain more about this drama project and my ex-friend.

Sat Next to Me

My first boyfriend and I met in high school because we were in the same form group. I personally didn’t know anything about dating and wasn’t looking for a boyfriend but being a naive 13-year-old girl what was I supposed to know. We dated for 6 months and were on and off for another 3 years. One day I asked him when was the first time he knew he liked me and he replied: ‘When you were sat next to me.’ I must have looked confused so he continued: ‘When we were in our form room we had to sit next to each other and I told you that my parents were separated.’ I nodded at him, pretended I knew and we went off with our relationship. I was reflecting on it one night and the moment he told me about started to replay in my mind.

We had to sit alphabetically for our form group and I was sat next to this guy. We didn’t really talk (because I was immature and thought boys have cooties or something lol). Anyways, I was shy and didn’t feel the need to talk to someone I will only see in the mornings and the occasional classes. I remember he would laugh at what I said and try to make conversation, but I would just nod or dismiss him with an exaggerated ‘Okay’ or shrug. It was protocol to check all our details such as address and phone numbers so the school could store the information in the database. I was handing mine in and he suddenly leaned over and pointed out that my parents live at the same address. I did my exaggerated okay then he pointed out that his parents were divorced and that’s why they had different addresses. I didn’t really care and didn’t think out it until I asked him when he first liked me. It was so weird remembering that moment back then and right now. I didn’t realise that boys have such good memories (especially on things that meant so much to them) and as a young girl who thought she was in love that was a sweet realisation. If only boys would grow up and stay this why instead of being jerks. He was my first boyfriend so I find it natural to keep coming back to him and I am warning you now the stories I have about him are to gag for.

~You will be rewarded with a Great Honour~

Today, I am going to be graduating with a FIRST CLASS HONOURS!!! I still cannot believe it that I got a First Class grade.When I first saw it, I couldn’t quite process it that I got a 69.83% (which just barely made the first class grade) and the words next to it had First Class Honours. I just kept staring at it and shaking my head and I was really speechless. I never thought I would see those words on the screen. I was very certain that I would get a 2:1 because I calculated it over and over again (hoping it would be a 1st class) but finally accepting that I shouldn’t have even thought about getting a high grade and I am just happy with a 2.1. I already told a lot of my family members that I will get a B and soon I was confident that I would get a 2.1 (which secretly made me feel disappointed) but I moved on and just accepted it.

But those words on the screen when I saw it really brought tears to my eyes. The three years have been a huge adventure and like I said before, it wasn’t the easiest or the most fun thing you could do in your life (at least for me lol)  but I took it as a chance to prove myself that I can do it and grow. I didn’t really get high grades so I wasn’t looking for the top grade at all and most of the lecturers/ tutors warned us that not a lot of people will get firsts, so I didn’t have high hopes for myself. I cruised through the first year and in the second year and cruised even further in my third year, hoping for at least a 2.1. As a person who also missed out on things, I like to keep to myself and just jump hoping to land safely at least a metre from the edge and I treated university the same way. I did my best and if it wasn’t enough then I had to accept it and move on. I never shared my grades with anyone (unless they ask) but it always plays over and over again in my mind that I will never get a top grade and that always stayed with me until the results day. I still cannot believe I got a First Class Honour!

Getting this grade means so much to me for several reasons. Firstly, as I mentioned above, I am not the person who was highly praised for being academically smart and most of my grades especially A-Levels was so crap. I even had my doubts if I will even make it into university. But now, I have officially finished on a high note and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. After all the stress, crying, headaches and sleepless nights, I can now breathe a sigh of relief that I am officially finished with all the essays and I am officially finishing with a First Class Honours. All those times, I stood people up and told them I was too busy to meet them (cause I was doing some last minute essays lol), the times I shut myself in my room and forced Vanessa to stay with me during some of my all-nighters so I would have some company, the times she was annoying and told me ‘It will be fine, Trisha’ and ‘You need to calm down!’ (which followed with a pillow to her face and on one occasion I dug my nails into her arms- I said I was sorry and you can barely see the scarring hahaha) and the times I handed every essay in thinking that it is the best I could and it is up to God what grade I get. I am one of those people who doubted herself constantly and worried so much about the future but always kept it to myself cause I don’t want to bother people. People would tell me it would be fine and I will nod my head (even if deep down I doubt it will be lol) and just get on with things. I never thought of the possibility of getting a first in anything and even though I would get excited when I got a first in some of my essays, I tell myself that I need to tone down the excitement so I won’t be disappointed. But damn, I did it and got an unexpected First Class Honours.

Another reason this means so much to me is that getting a high grade means I have ticked off one of the things on my bucket list, which is graduating from university and graduating with the highest grade possible. I know that going to university is a privilege as my parents always tell us, education is something people cannot take away from you and something you can never lose. So many people dream of going to university and they cannot afford to, so I feel so blessed that I stuck with it and finished university. I know this also means so much to my family that I am going to be graduating and there are not enough words I can write and say to thank them enough for quietly supporting me.

To my parents, thank you for always pushing me to be the best I could be and showering me with all the things I want and need. My parents work so hard every day to earn money to pay for all the necessities of life and they never wanted anything back except the promise from us to work hard and be a good person. Nothing can ever repay the unconditional love my parents have given me all my life but I hope now that I am going to be graduating, I can share with them the pride of this great accomplishment and a toast to the start of a fruitful future that they have always believed I would have.

To my sisters, firstly to Vanessa, you have always been annoying and we have had a lot of fights and I am sure there are still more to come. You have always made fun of me (mostly about my ex-boyfriends) but you have also brought some fun into my life by being my volunteer PA by bringing all my stuff for me up and down the stairs. Even if I injured you in the process or told you to be quiet, I always appreciated your encouraging words and your willingness to help me realise that I can do it! To Beatrice, thank you for helping me make peace with my inner child. With all the stress, I was always so serious about getting things done to prove that I have become an adult but with all the times spent with you, you have helped me take a break from being all grown up and watch cartoons and play childish games I have missed so much (plus it gave me a reason not to do my essays).

To all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you have always been there with supportive advice and compliments and even if we do not get to see or speak to each other as much as we would like, I know you are cheering me on with great enthusiasm. To all my Lolas, you have taken care of me since I was little and watched me grow into the person I am now. You have passed on your wisdom to my parents and they have passed it on to me and that has helped shaped my values on life and the power of prayer. I know we don’t go to church as much as we should but I also know that all of you always pray for me, for my health, my happiness and for my studies. I am so glad that both of our prayers have been answered and I am graduating with the highest honours. I will send some pictures over so I can share the blessings that God has given me. To my late Lolo Al and Lolo Ramon, I am so sad that you can’t see me graduate but I hope you are looking down on me and are very proud.

To all the few friends that stuck with me since childhood and until now, thank you so much for making me realise the power of friendship and I appreciate all the support you have given me (even though I didn’t get to meet up or hang out as much as you would have liked me to come and meet up). I will try and make an effort to come hang out more hahaha. To all the friends I met at university, you have been amazing and I am sure our paths will cross again and you will go on to greater things. To all the lecturers that taught me, you have opened my eyes and ears about social issues from theories that seemed like from many years ago (that I would have normally not even realised existed or wanted to read) but those lessons will stay with me in my mind and has not only made me wiser but full of curiosity to discover more. 

After today I would be officially ending my university life with the highest grade and closing a huge chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future has install for me. Let us toast to more undiscovered adventures that are now waiting to be discovered. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xo

Clearing My Emails

Nothing feels so good when you are deleting a lot of spam emails and being able to scroll down to the bottom in a blink of an eye and right back to the top again. I thought now that university is over I need to do some clearing up in all my email inboxes as they are filled with so much junk that it is about time I let it breathe. There are also a lot of emails which I have been meaning to delete but just ended up forgetting about them lol. But now, I have been using my computer a lot, I thought it is about time that I cleared out some stuff I no longer need to make space for more emails from work and bills and things that “grown-ups” have to sort out and pay for.

Wish me luck! 

Easy Peasy

My little sister is going to nursery in September and as a way of helping her learn some skills and educational lessons, her school has been sending my parents some games to play to help her learn. They recently went for a parents evening at her school to meet the teachers and discuss things we need to do to help her be prepared for the school year. The school is partnered with an app called Easy Peasy which has some weekly games that parents can play with their child. My mum was playing with Bea the other day and she is now obsessed with playing some of the activities.

She really liked the Stepping Stones game, where we had to cut several shapes (4 circles, 4 squares and 4 triangles) and placed a ball on the other side of the room. The shapes were spread out all over the floor (or river) and she had to step on 1 specific shape only in order to retrieve the ball. That was a good game to play as it helped her with her shape recognition (plus tired her out a bit lol). She also liked the Selfie game in which we all took selfies which depict different emotions. She then had to identify that emotion and describe that when she feels that emotion and why does she feel that way. The second part of the game she doesn’t have a full concept yet but she really enjoyed taking selfies on Snapchat and making faces. The last game she really enjoyed this week was the Patience game. The game was supposed to be done with strawberries but we used chocolate fingers instead (cause we didn’t have any strawberries). We had to hold the chocolate finger for one minute. It is to test your patience and has been researched to indicate that children who can wait for their food for at least one minute (no matter how tempting it is to lick or take a bite) are likely to become more successful in life. Bea did really well (plus we got to eat some chocolate fingers although I am on a diet lol). 

There were only a few games available but I think it’s a good idea to also have some home-learning aid to help boost their skills and get them more familiar with educational lessons they could be studying in school. We are all excited for the next set of games next week! 

The Best of Three Years

The three years that I have done at university will soon be officially over as the results come in and graduation is just three months away. I would say that I will miss it but to be honest there really isn’t much to miss except a few people who really made a difference in my life. That is probably a little harsh but it is the truth and they did say that the truth will set you free. While I have been waiting for the official results to come in from the academic board, I have been occupying myself with looking for jobs and spending some time with my family. I thought that the results would still be far away when I was looking towards the future all the way in May and now it is only a few more days before I find out what the undergraduate degree grade I will be receiving in October. Everyone has been so excited and all my relatives have been really supportive of all the things I have achieved in the last three years. This has made me really positive too and that is why I printed out all my essays that are 70% (A grades) and above so I have a physical memory of the great things I have gained whilst at university. 

I never thought I would get any A’s when I first started university after doing my A-Levels. My time at Sixth Form was okay but if I were to choose if I would rather do another five years of secondary school or even 2 more years at university then I would have gladly agreed. My grades at A-Levels wasn’t the best compared to other people and I just barely made it through to the second year and when it all finished I was so convinced and paranoid that I won’t pass my A-Levels (so paranoid that I started looking at other options and sorting out all the things that are needed for clearance). But when I woke up on results day, my first and second choice university have accepted me and even though my results were crap, I have made it into university. Phew!

Three years on from that, I am now sitting in my living room and typing this blog post and finally breathing a sigh of relief. University was one of the most stressful, headache-causing and nerve-wracking thing I have ever done so far in my life. The essays were an effort to get through, I had a lot of practical work I had to complete alongside it and I was always crying from anxiety and lack of sleep. But even if it was a terrible experience, I gained a lot of things in the process. I gained a lot of true friends that I hope I can stay in touch with for the rest of my life, some amazing tutors/lecturers who I have grown to like and those who have supported me throughout the three years. I have learnt about who I am as a person as well as a student. I have learnt A LOT about media theory, politics, journalism, web design, the economy and basically all the things that relate to media and those that doesn’t. I have made some great memories with my family and the most important thing of all, I did it all on my own. I survived university and lived to tell the tale. I conquered mountains of essays and practical work, spoke in front of a lot of people when doing presentations and got through the three years with an excellent outcome. 

That is why as a way of marking the end of university and getting the results that I thought would have been impossible to get three years ago, I have printed all my first class essays to celebrate the end of a stressful yet gratifying chapter of my life. I want to look back on them one day and maybe show myself as well as my future children how I did what I and others thought would have been impossible for me to do. I am so incredibly proud of myself and now I have several pieces of evidence of the rewards you can get and the satisfying feeling you get when you know you got something better than you thought you would actually get!