The Influence of Women

I felt I needed to write about this not only because I am a woman but because there have been so many times I felt I have been silenced in fear of saying something wrong.

Over the last several months, the world has been discussing the sexual harassment accusations and scandals surrounding some of the most powerful and well-known men of the film industry. Men we have grown up idolizing with posters on our walls, men we have respected for so many years and careers we have followed and still do. Men have run the film industry for many many years and often we discuss men as directors, producers, cameramen, filmmakers and leading actors. Men have been praised for and paid more compared to women. Men get the better roles and to be honest most roles in the film industry. It wasn’t until recently that women have been getting publicity in term of their roles within the industry that is probably down to the topic of gender equality. 

Women have always been the supportive gender, never the leading. Women are expected to look pretty and be objectified because men say so. Women are expected to act in a certain way and never get in the way of men. But with these scandals and all because of a man named Harvey Weinstein, women are rewriting all the things they have never had the courage to do or say because they can. These brave women have been coming forward and finding their voices to talk about the most disgusting, most vile and most sickening things some men have been capable and frankly been allowed to do to them and their bodies. Forceful things. Demeaning things. Things we once thought were too taboo to talk about. Well not anymore. Women have found their voice and they are making a stand and as a woman, I find it so empowering and inspiring that this is happening right now. 

I cannot compare myself to what these women have been subjected to and I will not imagine the horrific things they had to do for men like Weinstein. I am saying that all men are horrible human beings because that would be an exaggeration to mine and other women’s stories. But there have been things in each of their stories that I can relate to. Most of my relationships have been good but I have come out of them as someone I barely recognised and not in a good way. There have been points in my relationships when I have been called a liar because I was 13 and told his friends he showed me his penis and they, of course, took his side. A time when I found out that he had been seeing someone else behind my back like I could be replaced in an instant. The times when I said no and he shakes his head like I’m the one in the wrong. Or when I begged him to stay and he brushed it off and said ‘we’re just not meant to be, you’ll find someone else’ and then comes back 3 months later telling me he loves me and I took him back. I loved them all but looking back, I never realised how dependent I was to hand them over the control, times when I knew I was right but bit my tongue in the fear I will get shut down anyway. I always took the blame and I always took them back because I am willing to compromise my feelings so they’ll stay in the same way these women were petrified in losing their jobs so they chose to compromise also. 

I feel so proud of these women and the change they are making to the world not only in defining gender but defining the power and influence of women. Six months ago, I ended a 4-year relationship with a guy I promised myself would be the one I wanted to marry. It was an amazing relationship and we had our ups and downs but we stuck by each other even though we were 3 hours apart for nearly 3 years. I ended it because he was moving to another country and I had to admit that it was not going to work out. He also told me that I never made effort and I should have taken his money and come visited him. He told me that I am in the wrong and we need to talk about this issue more often. I told him that I wish him good luck, I hope we meet each other again one day and then I broke up with him. I thought I would regret it and I felt so disappointed it ended kind of bitter but honestly, when I woke up the next morning, it was like a huge weight was lifted off me and I smiled so wholeheartedly.

Two months after that, the news about Weinstein came in and floods of women started to speak up and they continue to do so as evidenced by the Golden Globes last night. Six months on, I am writing to you about the influence of women and I can confidently say I made one of the best decisions in my life. I can breathe and laugh and I have never felt more me than I am today.

As Oprah said last night at the Golden Globes ‘A New Day is on the Horizon’ and damn I have a feeling we will see a lot of women in every new day!

 

2018 New Year’s Resolutions

I am so sorry that I have been away for so long. As I always say, busy, busy, busy. The last two months of 2017 was so hectic that I have put this blog on the back burner. All the things I wanted to write about have either been half written or have titles and not written at all. So I apologise that I haven’t been as active as I would have liked to be. (end of apology) 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I cannot believe that we survived 2017 and we are just a few days into 2018. A New Year means a lot of things. The New Year is the time many people will say: NEW YEAR, NEW ME. A time when we will be promising to lose weight, to travel the world or even create a new identity altogether. A time for making resolutions that cannot be resolved or semi-give up on it completely because let’s be honest, how long was it really going to last? 2018 is a new year for a clean slate and where we can do and say and think up new things for another 365 days. 

I have decided to do some resolutions this year because why not? and because I really wanted to get into the spirit of the New Year. I tried to pick resolutions that I know I can do and will actually accomplish. 

  1. Drink more water: I feel that I haven’t been that keen on drinking water (even though that is all I have ever drunk since I was a teenager because I was a good child who didn’t want to break the ‘NO SOFT DRINKS’ rule). I want to drink more water this year because I have heard it makes you have good skin and keeps you hydrated. The goal will be 1 glass when I wake up, 2 glasses after each meal and 1 glass before bed. 
  2. Exercise more: This is kind of linked to losing weight (because I have gained 4 kilos during the Christmas break thanks to my mom’s cooking) and I want to get back into shape and maybe lose more than I had before I gained some back. I am not going to put how often or a certain number to it (yet) but I definitely want to exercise more this year.
  3. Shut down Facebook (again): I had this revelation last year when I gave Facebook up for Lent2017 that I didn’t need FB as much as I thought I did. Plus I really think that Facebook should retire. I know that FB was cool at the start when it was being hyped up to be as big as My Space but now it has been meh! (I don’t even have the app on my devices anymore). Facebook owns other apps (like Instagram) that are fairing more in terms of audience participation and being a social media platform. I aim to shut Facebook down in time for Lent and move on to focus on my other social media accounts. 
  4. More Self Learning: I learnt a lesson from breaking up with someone last year and it is that I still have a lot to learn about myself. I have things to figure out and things I would like to do on my own (without the stress or hassle of having to worry about another person). This year will the year I will fully get to enjoy being single and finding out more about who I am and what I want to become. 
  5. More Blogging: I really want to make an effort to do more blogging and keep improving my blog and getting to meet other bloggers and readers. I think making connections is great and as a person who isn’t into physically travelling I want to still be able to travel but on the internet. I want to meet other people and get more ideas on what to write and just be able to share more undiscovered adventures with everyone.

So. that is my five resolutions for 2018 and hopefully, I will be able to stick to them. I hope you all have a lovely 2018. I am so excited for another year of blogging. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xox

Facebook Could Soon Face Extinction

Since coming back to Facebook after my detox for Lent 2017 and making a new account I have noticed a strange atmosphere to how people have been using (or should I say lack of using) the once-hyped social media platform. Back in my high school days, everyone were obsessed with turning 13 because that is the legal age to sign up for a Facebook account (even though most people would lie so they can make a profile even before they turn 13) and it was anticipated and cool once you have make a profile and made a lot of “friends”. I remember a time when my sister cried over the end of the world with the prime reason that she will never get the chance to sign up for Facebook (she hates it now haha).The social media platform took over from MySpace (which seems to be an ancient tale now in the more modern era) and it became a giant amongst other social media sites.

But now forward to present day and here I am more bored than ever with Facebook. No one is no longer on it 24/7 and those that are rarely post anything useful. People only post about major events like holidays or when they get pregnant or tied the knot. The games of FarmVille or Sims have already been forgotten and replaced with games that require you to interact with “friends” that you haven’t spoken to in 5 years. You end up liking random stuff after stuff and would scroll through hundreds of rubbish articles. It has become so repetitive that you groan at the screen every time your well-trained fingers automatically clicks on it. Facebook had tried so hard to keep up with the likes of Snapchat and Instagram when they included filters and Facebook stories (but unfortunately was too late in catching with the trends). I hate to be so pessimistic about this but soon I think Facebook will become extinct.

This will be probably not that surprising when it finally crashes down. Many people have been telling me that they will hardly miss it (even my parents refers to it as the evilest out of all the social media websites). I think Facebook has lived long enough and could very well join MySpace on the dark side of the online world. Give it another two years and maybe soon people will have forgotten this once loved social media phenomenon. I have come to realise that It was probably a bad mistake to make another account if I am just going to delete it again lol. Facebook could soon be joining the dinosaurs.

I mean think about it. Facebook has resulted in asking people for their nudes to ensure that those nude pictures don’t appear on their platform. Someone working at Facebook will be staring at your private areas and playing memory match in an instance that someone else (like a vengeful ex) posts it on Facebook. Think about it carefully.

Facebook will turn 14 next year (a year older than the required age for someone to sign up for the site) and I think it would be a good time for adolescent Facebook to retire or at least take a break. 

~You will be rewarded with a Great Honour~

Today, I am going to be graduating with a FIRST CLASS HONOURS!!! I still cannot believe it that I got a First Class grade.When I first saw it, I couldn’t quite process it that I got a 69.83% (which just barely made the first class grade) and the words next to it had First Class Honours. I just kept staring at it and shaking my head and I was really speechless. I never thought I would see those words on the screen. I was very certain that I would get a 2:1 because I calculated it over and over again (hoping it would be a 1st class) but finally accepting that I shouldn’t have even thought about getting a high grade and I am just happy with a 2.1. I already told a lot of my family members that I will get a B and soon I was confident that I would get a 2.1 (which secretly made me feel disappointed) but I moved on and just accepted it.

But those words on the screen when I saw it really brought tears to my eyes. The three years have been a huge adventure and like I said before, it wasn’t the easiest or the most fun thing you could do in your life (at least for me lol)  but I took it as a chance to prove myself that I can do it and grow. I didn’t really get high grades so I wasn’t looking for the top grade at all and most of the lecturers/ tutors warned us that not a lot of people will get firsts, so I didn’t have high hopes for myself. I cruised through the first year and in the second year and cruised even further in my third year, hoping for at least a 2.1. As a person who also missed out on things, I like to keep to myself and just jump hoping to land safely at least a metre from the edge and I treated university the same way. I did my best and if it wasn’t enough then I had to accept it and move on. I never shared my grades with anyone (unless they ask) but it always plays over and over again in my mind that I will never get a top grade and that always stayed with me until the results day. I still cannot believe I got a First Class Honour!

Getting this grade means so much to me for several reasons. Firstly, as I mentioned above, I am not the person who was highly praised for being academically smart and most of my grades especially A-Levels was so crap. I even had my doubts if I will even make it into university. But now, I have officially finished on a high note and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself. After all the stress, crying, headaches and sleepless nights, I can now breathe a sigh of relief that I am officially finished with all the essays and I am officially finishing with a First Class Honours. All those times, I stood people up and told them I was too busy to meet them (cause I was doing some last minute essays lol), the times I shut myself in my room and forced Vanessa to stay with me during some of my all-nighters so I would have some company, the times she was annoying and told me ‘It will be fine, Trisha’ and ‘You need to calm down!’ (which followed with a pillow to her face and on one occasion I dug my nails into her arms- I said I was sorry and you can barely see the scarring hahaha) and the times I handed every essay in thinking that it is the best I could and it is up to God what grade I get. I am one of those people who doubted herself constantly and worried so much about the future but always kept it to myself cause I don’t want to bother people. People would tell me it would be fine and I will nod my head (even if deep down I doubt it will be lol) and just get on with things. I never thought of the possibility of getting a first in anything and even though I would get excited when I got a first in some of my essays, I tell myself that I need to tone down the excitement so I won’t be disappointed. But damn, I did it and got an unexpected First Class Honours.

Another reason this means so much to me is that getting a high grade means I have ticked off one of the things on my bucket list, which is graduating from university and graduating with the highest grade possible. I know that going to university is a privilege as my parents always tell us, education is something people cannot take away from you and something you can never lose. So many people dream of going to university and they cannot afford to, so I feel so blessed that I stuck with it and finished university. I know this also means so much to my family that I am going to be graduating and there are not enough words I can write and say to thank them enough for quietly supporting me.

To my parents, thank you for always pushing me to be the best I could be and showering me with all the things I want and need. My parents work so hard every day to earn money to pay for all the necessities of life and they never wanted anything back except the promise from us to work hard and be a good person. Nothing can ever repay the unconditional love my parents have given me all my life but I hope now that I am going to be graduating, I can share with them the pride of this great accomplishment and a toast to the start of a fruitful future that they have always believed I would have.

To my sisters, firstly to Vanessa, you have always been annoying and we have had a lot of fights and I am sure there are still more to come. You have always made fun of me (mostly about my ex-boyfriends) but you have also brought some fun into my life by being my volunteer PA by bringing all my stuff for me up and down the stairs. Even if I injured you in the process or told you to be quiet, I always appreciated your encouraging words and your willingness to help me realise that I can do it! To Beatrice, thank you for helping me make peace with my inner child. With all the stress, I was always so serious about getting things done to prove that I have become an adult but with all the times spent with you, you have helped me take a break from being all grown up and watch cartoons and play childish games I have missed so much (plus it gave me a reason not to do my essays).

To all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you have always been there with supportive advice and compliments and even if we do not get to see or speak to each other as much as we would like, I know you are cheering me on with great enthusiasm. To all my Lolas, you have taken care of me since I was little and watched me grow into the person I am now. You have passed on your wisdom to my parents and they have passed it on to me and that has helped shaped my values on life and the power of prayer. I know we don’t go to church as much as we should but I also know that all of you always pray for me, for my health, my happiness and for my studies. I am so glad that both of our prayers have been answered and I am graduating with the highest honours. I will send some pictures over so I can share the blessings that God has given me. To my late Lolo Al and Lolo Ramon, I am so sad that you can’t see me graduate but I hope you are looking down on me and are very proud.

To all the few friends that stuck with me since childhood and until now, thank you so much for making me realise the power of friendship and I appreciate all the support you have given me (even though I didn’t get to meet up or hang out as much as you would have liked me to come and meet up). I will try and make an effort to come hang out more hahaha. To all the friends I met at university, you have been amazing and I am sure our paths will cross again and you will go on to greater things. To all the lecturers that taught me, you have opened my eyes and ears about social issues from theories that seemed like from many years ago (that I would have normally not even realised existed or wanted to read) but those lessons will stay with me in my mind and has not only made me wiser but full of curiosity to discover more. 

After today I would be officially ending my university life with the highest grade and closing a huge chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future has install for me. Let us toast to more undiscovered adventures that are now waiting to be discovered. 

Peace and Love, 

Trisha xo

The Best of Three Years

The three years that I have done at university will soon be officially over as the results come in and graduation is just three months away. I would say that I will miss it but to be honest there really isn’t much to miss except a few people who really made a difference in my life. That is probably a little harsh but it is the truth and they did say that the truth will set you free. While I have been waiting for the official results to come in from the academic board, I have been occupying myself with looking for jobs and spending some time with my family. I thought that the results would still be far away when I was looking towards the future all the way in May and now it is only a few more days before I find out what the undergraduate degree grade I will be receiving in October. Everyone has been so excited and all my relatives have been really supportive of all the things I have achieved in the last three years. This has made me really positive too and that is why I printed out all my essays that are 70% (A grades) and above so I have a physical memory of the great things I have gained whilst at university. 

I never thought I would get any A’s when I first started university after doing my A-Levels. My time at Sixth Form was okay but if I were to choose if I would rather do another five years of secondary school or even 2 more years at university then I would have gladly agreed. My grades at A-Levels wasn’t the best compared to other people and I just barely made it through to the second year and when it all finished I was so convinced and paranoid that I won’t pass my A-Levels (so paranoid that I started looking at other options and sorting out all the things that are needed for clearance). But when I woke up on results day, my first and second choice university have accepted me and even though my results were crap, I have made it into university. Phew!

Three years on from that, I am now sitting in my living room and typing this blog post and finally breathing a sigh of relief. University was one of the most stressful, headache-causing and nerve-wracking thing I have ever done so far in my life. The essays were an effort to get through, I had a lot of practical work I had to complete alongside it and I was always crying from anxiety and lack of sleep. But even if it was a terrible experience, I gained a lot of things in the process. I gained a lot of true friends that I hope I can stay in touch with for the rest of my life, some amazing tutors/lecturers who I have grown to like and those who have supported me throughout the three years. I have learnt about who I am as a person as well as a student. I have learnt A LOT about media theory, politics, journalism, web design, the economy and basically all the things that relate to media and those that doesn’t. I have made some great memories with my family and the most important thing of all, I did it all on my own. I survived university and lived to tell the tale. I conquered mountains of essays and practical work, spoke in front of a lot of people when doing presentations and got through the three years with an excellent outcome. 

That is why as a way of marking the end of university and getting the results that I thought would have been impossible to get three years ago, I have printed all my first class essays to celebrate the end of a stressful yet gratifying chapter of my life. I want to look back on them one day and maybe show myself as well as my future children how I did what I and others thought would have been impossible for me to do. I am so incredibly proud of myself and now I have several pieces of evidence of the rewards you can get and the satisfying feeling you get when you know you got something better than you thought you would actually get! 

One Month of Job Hunting

I can’t believe it has already been over a month since I submitted my dissertation, the month of May has ended and it is now June. That means I have been basically hunting for jobs for a month now. May has definitely been hectic and filled with stress and my right forefinger glued to the scroll down button as I skimmed passed hundreds and thousands of jobs on every single job websites you can think of. I feel like day after day my head would explode and sleep always won at the end as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wish I could say this journey had been fun so far but that would be lying.

At the start of the month, I was ready to jump into looking for work cause why waste time when there are plenty of opportunities available out there, right? I was so ready to go look for some work that will help me get ahead of everyone and gain some experience in an area where I hope to keep climbing. I wanted a job related to my degree, Media Studies, where I can feel that going to university and having £27,000 debt on my shoulders would pay off (and be paid off quickly). I was ready to go conquer the Media world like those beautiful people you see in the movies where they are so hyped about the next step of looking for work and they just get it like destiny made it that way. Unfortunately, sometimes reality isn’t like what you see in the movies and the world doesn’t want to co-operate with how you see your life playing out. There wasn’t much media related job in Cambridge and those that are available require previous experience (which I don’t have)and right now going off to London or some other place would be pointless since I don’t graduate until October. So what do you do when no jobs are available that suits your preferences? You go to the next related thing that will help you gain experience, Apprenticeships.

I applied for an apprenticeship before and I didn’t get that. So, I was not too sure if applying for more is a good idea. But it was worth a shot and it WILL help me gain training and make connections with more people in the industry so its a start. I applied for a lot of media-related apprentices in areas such as digital marketing and social media. I just wanted to find something to do which will help me gain money and just some experience in a workplace. I applied for five apprenticeships in total (so far) and received one phone call. I was so nervous getting a phone call as I hate talking to people on the phone but I did gather up the courage to phone them back (I missed it and it went to voicemail cause hungry lol) and they just asked me to send them an email about the modules I did at university. The email was sent off and I never received anything back from them which made me feel kinda sad. However, I knew there are other areas I can try going into even if this did end with a dead end.

One of those areas was doing an internship around Cambridge which was fairly difficult as there isn’t much of those here either but I knew no one will take me if it having experience that they are looking for. By this point in the job searching journey, I was feeling a little down that there wasn’t much happening and it is not happening as quickly as I had anticipated. I was also at the point of doubt and frustration as the only option ultimately will be an internship in London as there are dozens there. But even then and right now, I feel with how the world is going I need to hold off going further away but if it comes to graduation and I am still jobless, going to do an internship is still on the cards. In the meantime, my mum has suggested I go down a different path and see how I do in another career which is childcare as my work experience was a Playgroup Assistant. Many people have told me that I do so good with children so I thought I’d try it and maybe this is the path I was destined to discover. So, I have put aside all the media stuff for now and I applied for non-qualified nursery jobs and other childcare jobs such as playworker around my local area and Cambridge. I did apply for other various jobs such as a data entry clerk and an office assistant but I was rejected. But despite the rejection, at the end of May, I have been in communication with an agency which supplies teaching assistant and nursery assistant roles in various schools around Cambridge and my application and details are currently under clearance. I also had an interview for a playworker role in a primary school in Cambridge and another playworker role application form was filled out for another school in my local area. Everything is in the balance right now and I will update you guys with more information if I am successful or not. (either way, I am getting practice in doing interviews, making and answering phone calls and completing application forms so it is still benefitting me).

A month of job hunting has just finished and with the summer just around the corner, more days of job hunting is still to come. It is a long journey but hopefully a worthwhile one and it is all part of the adventures I will need to discover as part of life. Wish me luck guys and let’s see where this adventure will take me.

Facebook- Logging off

I have decided to log off my Facebook account. I feel that I need to take a break from it and just move away from Facebook for a while. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately and I just need an escape away from it all. Earlier this year I did a Facebook Detox for Lent and honestly, after that experience, I felt so carefree and relieved that I’m not bombarded with articles and adverts I didn’t give a damn about or things which were making me just feel sad when it shouldn’t be. Facebook has given me a platform to express myself and share my life but right now I feel like I need to step away and have some self-reflection. I shared so many good memories of there as well as several bad ones but as years went by it has all become mediocre and I just feel negative towards it now. Signing out from Facebook, FB Messenger and deleting all the apps from my devices will hopefully help me find more time to have a long think and just give me some space.

Right now, I won’t be deactivating it or deleting it yet, just gonna log it off. I think this decision is the best for me and even if I am not on Facebook, I will still have Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram. So if you want to chat, call me up or some news appeared on Facebook that you think I need to know, I will still be on the other social media networks, just not Facebook. A part of me will miss Facebook but the majority of me will soon forget about it. This is a goodbye to Facebook for now and you never know I might decide to log back on just to see how everyone is doing or maybe even start a new account. Also,  if you end up reading this, please know that it is not directed at anyone or was due to anything major happening because there is not anything that has happened or anyone that has forced me to do this. This is all my personal decision and something I have been meaning to do for ages. 

I want to thank everyone for making the Facebook experience memorable and just being part of many of my memories so far. See you around everyone!

If you do want to contact me, here are all my other social media details:

Twitter: @GangstaNoob007
Instagram: @trishaanne96
Snapchat: doryknowwhoiam

Now its… Bye Facebook Bye!