Greedy and Needy

Please stop begging, you’ll just scrap your knee
Mate the game is over, its time to set you free
You want to leave, so go on then, just go
I want you gone now, why you so slow
You keep stalling, you haven’t packed a bag
Go look for your princess, if I’m such a hag
Yea, I heard you. You know I ain’t deaf
Why are you still here, I wish you had left
A lot sooner, maybe things would have gone better
By the way, you can have your stupid sweater
I hated it and I would have thrown it in the fire
Along with my love and all of your car tyres
Time to move on, there is the door
Leave now, dude, I don’t love you anymore
Haven’t really loved you, not one bit
Everything was a mismatch- we didn’t fit
Plus I had an affair with your brother
He was crap too, just go find another
Many girls would marry you if they were dumb
But I have had enough of you, you make me numb
You made me fat with stress and depression
Dude, get out, you reek a lot of desperation
No one like a massive loser and someone who is soooooo needy
Go cling to someone else’s leg cause damn boy, you’re so greedy

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Rat in the Trap

*Warning do not read this if you are fond of animals or easily grossed out.*

One of my early memories is stepping on a fly trap. It was a horrible experience and something that I wouldn’t want to experience again. My Lola doesn’t like insects and flies have always been one of her pet peeves. She would place several fly traps all over the house. It had caught a few cockroaches and small spiders but no flies. But when I was really young I saw a rat under the table. I didn’t go near it and continued playing. A couple of days after this encounter, my Lola started screaming demanding something be taken away. I ran into the room and knew it was a mistake. There, on one of the fly papers was a dead rat who obviously got stuck whilst running around the house. I felt really bad and I still do. I don’t know if it was the same rat I saw but it made me feel uneasy that I played a part in its death. I want to apologise to that rat and his family and hope that he rests in peace.

They Ate MY Chicken

We used to visit some of our relatives in the province for special occasions or occasional drop-ins. One of my Lolas (the sister of my mom’s dad) loved cooking and she always accommodated us when we come over. She cooks amazing food and tells us stories (which I cannot mostly remember now). But this story is something I will remember forever. During one of our visits, she took me aside and told me that she had something for me. She told me to feed it every day and look after it so it will stay big and strong. She then handed me a cage with a chicken inside it. Now, as an adult, I would be weirded out if I was handed a chicken but as a child, it was like a brand-new pet was given to me for FREE! I promised her I will look after it and we took it in the SUV all the way home. I was so excited to have a pet chicken and all the way home I was already narrowing down names to call it.

When we got back home, they told me to let the chicken free in the backyard and to stretch its legs. I innocently followed their instructions and went inside to call my friends that I have a pet chicken. I think I had a nap for a bit because the time frame between me letting the chicken loose and me going back to check on it seemed like such a long time. But when I went back to find it, it wasn’t there. I asked everyone and each had a different reply: ‘It might have flown away’ (chickens can’t fly), ‘the dogs probably ate it’ (the dogs barely moved today) or ‘What chicken?’ (I might be a little groggy from my nap but I’m not stupid’). I was so furious and annoyed that a whole chicken disappeared and no one would tell me where it went. But from the title, we can all gather what happened: They took my chicken, de-feathered, gutted and sliced it then made some fried chicken. I refused to eat dinner that night and swore immaturely that I will never eat chicken ever again!

(Of course, I didn’t commit to this promise and enjoy fried chicken as much as the next carnivorous 21-year-old person lol.)

BINGO is a Gambler’s Game

When I was younger, one of my Lola (called Lola Puring) loved playing Bingo and she would often gather everyone in the house to come play with her, including me and Vanessa. It all started innocently with a recycled bottle for the numbers and one card each. It was all harmless fun until…she brought money into the game. I have never seen gambling before and by no means, is she a gambling woman and it was all just a game after all. But at the age of 6 or 7, I didn’t have any money (apart from money in my Elmo piggy bank). I don’t know how much I lost but from the light weight of my piggy bank, I gathered it was quite a lot lol. I didn’t really understand the concept of money then (I still don’t) but it was fun. I loved playing it especially with my Lola who lives several hours from Manila. I wish I could play with her some more now but I don’t know if she even remembers. I think she has dementia. She keeps repeating stories over and over when we talk with her but I would play BINGO with her over and over again if I had a chance. I’d gamble my time for one more game.

The Breaking News Report

Hello, my name is Patricia A. Guillermo and I am reporting from my house. I loved copying new reporters on TV. They always sound so silly yet important at the same time. There was something about being a news reporter that applied to me but I didn’t know what. I guess a part of me wanted to do what they did. As a child, I found it fascinating how composed and calm they are when reporting horrific events going on around the world. I still admire news readers now as an adult. But now I don’t know if I can do all the research and report on semi-biased opinions or hypocritical views they might have that aren’t in line with their own personal views. Plus I prefer writing compared to talk anyways. I guess that is my news reporter/reader little girl dream fading further away.

No Jewellery, First.

Diamonds are supposed to be a girl’s best friend but for me, it is more like a dark omen. All three of my ex-boyfriends gave me jewellery as their first gifts. It was all sweet at first and of course, I enjoy the little sparkle that jewellery can add to your outfit and those boys have a great taste in jewellery. It is only when the jewellery starts to break, rust or gets lost that signifies a symbol from God or something of high universal power that this relationship is about to come to an end. For instance, when my first boyfriend broke up with me, I chose to give back the gold bracelet he gave me as a” token of his love” (more on this in another post). He wasn’t offended I gave it back and many people were questioning why I didn’t just sell it on eBay but it was my decision so I handed it back to him. We were on and off flirting with each other and one day he was high or drunk and he mentioned how he wished I still had the bracelet. I said I didn’t want it and asked if he still had it. And surprise surprise (not), he didn’t know where it was…an expensive bracelet that was supposed to be a token of his love is forever lost- a bit like any feeling I may still have for him lol.

Then, my second boyfriend gave me a lovely necklace that was made of stretchy string, had beads threaded through it and had a moulded glass centrepiece in the shape of a heart (how romantic). I wore it every day and had it on my bedside table as I sleep at night. It lasted for 9 months and then the heart one day just broke in half (which was so ironic come to think of it). A couple of days later he broke up with me and I just knew it was some sort of sign. My third ex is a little different as I was the one who ended it with him but the necklace and earring combo (again very beautiful, expensive and often worn) had started to rust and there was a knot in the chain. Another sign that it wasn’t meant to be.

So, the lesson of the story is this: to my future boyfriend, wherever you are, whenever you will pop up in my life, please read this as a cautionary warning that jewellery leads to a break-up so don’t give me any jewellery as your first gift. (although know I do not have anything against jewellery being a second gift or a third gift etc…).

She had “that” Vibe

Ever had anyone who suddenly comes into your school and jumps into your friendship group like it was an okay thing to do? Well, I have (twice). I am a friendly person and is open to being kind to you and being friends with you. But after a while, she had a vibe about her. I am normally good at sensing people’s aura but I think there was a delay or something. She came to high school in the third year and she jumped into the friendship circle I was in. I was okay with her for a little bit and stayed friends with her until the end. But it was the little things she said to me and did that questioned how much of a friend she really is:

  • My first boyfriend broke up with me and she confessed later that she found him very cute and fancied him when she first started but saw he was with me and decided to stay away.
  • I told her that I fancy this guy in confidence and she went out to ask him out for me but ended up “accidentally” asking him out for herself.
  • We were supposed to be in a group for our final drama performance and she was telling me how she is extremely reluctant to work with this guy in our group. The day came when the drama teacher asked us to form our groups and I looked like a right idiot sitting there by myself when she moved to another group. She didn’t tell me anything about moving but she casually apologised a week later (like that makes it okay) *
  • I joked about her looking like one of the traffic lights when she wore a red dress to prom and she was sat next to two other people wearing orange and green (one of which was actually me). She didn’t like that and snubbed our table to hang out with other people for the rest of the event.
  • She moved to the Sixth Form college I went to and again (she did it twice!) hanged out with my friendship group I was in and acted like I was being distant. (I ended up leaving that friendship group after they all showed their true colours).
  • I invited her to my 18th birthday party, she sang me a song and at the end of the evening, she didn’t thank me and I haven’t heard from her since.

I know that when I had started having bad vibes about her that I should have walked away much sooner and not welcomed her as my friend. But seriously, if I had just walked away I would have been the one seen as bitchy and I didn’t want that. Also, I know that being an angsty teenager I tend to have bad days and so I thought maybe I was just reflecting my problems on her (my sister also admitted she got that vibe about her when I told her about this post) but I just had a gut feeling that I am right. This experience taught me to be cautious of people who claim to be my “friend” because sometimes their intentions are not real.

*I will post a follow-up story to explain more about this drama project and my ex-friend.