Rat in the Trap

*Warning do not read this if you are fond of animals or easily grossed out.*

One of my early memories is stepping on a fly trap. It was a horrible experience and something that I wouldn’t want to experience again. My Lola doesn’t like insects and flies have always been one of her pet peeves. She would place several fly traps all over the house. It had caught a few cockroaches and small spiders but no flies. But when I was really young I saw a rat under the table. I didn’t go near it and continued playing. A couple of days after this encounter, my Lola started screaming demanding something be taken away. I ran into the room and knew it was a mistake. There, on one of the fly papers was a dead rat who obviously got stuck whilst running around the house. I felt really bad and I still do. I don’t know if it was the same rat I saw but it made me feel uneasy that I played a part in its death. I want to apologise to that rat and his family and hope that he rests in peace.

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They Ate MY Chicken

We used to visit some of our relatives in the province for special occasions or occasional drop-ins. One of my Lolas (the sister of my mom’s dad) loved cooking and she always accommodated us when we come over. She cooks amazing food and tells us stories (which I cannot mostly remember now). But this story is something I will remember forever. During one of our visits, she took me aside and told me that she had something for me. She told me to feed it every day and look after it so it will stay big and strong. She then handed me a cage with a chicken inside it. Now, as an adult, I would be weirded out if I was handed a chicken but as a child, it was like a brand-new pet was given to me for FREE! I promised her I will look after it and we took it in the SUV all the way home. I was so excited to have a pet chicken and all the way home I was already narrowing down names to call it.

When we got back home, they told me to let the chicken free in the backyard and to stretch its legs. I innocently followed their instructions and went inside to call my friends that I have a pet chicken. I think I had a nap for a bit because the time frame between me letting the chicken loose and me going back to check on it seemed like such a long time. But when I went back to find it, it wasn’t there. I asked everyone and each had a different reply: ‘It might have flown away’ (chickens can’t fly), ‘the dogs probably ate it’ (the dogs barely moved today) or ‘What chicken?’ (I might be a little groggy from my nap but I’m not stupid’). I was so furious and annoyed that a whole chicken disappeared and no one would tell me where it went. But from the title, we can all gather what happened: They took my chicken, de-feathered, gutted and sliced it then made some fried chicken. I refused to eat dinner that night and swore immaturely that I will never eat chicken ever again!

(Of course, I didn’t commit to this promise and enjoy fried chicken as much as the next carnivorous 21-year-old person lol.)

Can Chickens Fly?

As a child, curiosity gets the better of me. I was a very fortunate child and even though many people thought I was just an innocent little human being (some still do), I was very mischievous. It was a hot day and everyone was inside watching TV with electric fans in every corner of the room. The dogs were outside sleeping and I was sad that I couldn’t go out because all my friends were doing other things. I was so bored and even though I could have been doing my homework or playing with my toys I was just feeling restless. I sat on the steps in the backyard thinking what I could do. Maybe I could sneak out of the house over to my friend’s house but I know I will probably get told off. I could wake the dogs but I could also get bitten and I wouldn’t want that. Then my eyes rested on the chicken coop. The chickens have been stuck inside for a long time so a little walk couldn’t hurt them. So, I let them out. And what followed was one of the funniest things I could have ever witnessed.

The chickens jumped out of the coop and ran around the backyard. All good so far. Then one chicken hopped up on the bed bench where the dogs were taking their naps. Another chicken followed and another and the next thing you know all five chickens were having a riot walking on the sleeping dogs. But you know the saying: NEVER WALK ON SLEEPING DOGS (okay I made that up). The dogs, of course, woke up and tried to murder the chickens. I ran inside and was like the Boy who cried Wolf: ‘Lola, your chicken got out and the dogs are trying to kill them!’. Everyone was sceptical at first and didn’t believe me but when one of the house helpers went outside and shouted: ‘The chickens are flying away, come and help!’. Everyone rushed outside and I stood there thinking: ‘I tried to tell you’. They spent 30 minutes trying to round up the chickens and protect them from the dogs who didn’t appreciate their nap being interrupted. I was meanwhile watching all of this happen and crackling with laughter as they figure out what happened. Those chicken can definitely take flight but after that incident, they were cooped in for days.

Until this day, no one was still sure what happened lol and of course, they didn’t suspect it was me (well if someone I know reads this they might know now so I apologise in advance #sorrynotsorry).

Freckles

I once had a fish named Freckles
He loved nothing more than doing heckles
Once the dog said: “Why are you so tiny?”
Freckles replied: “What’s it to you, Whiny?”
The cat once told him he is about to be eaten
Freckles stared him down, he wasn’t about to be beaten
He got out of the fish tank and clapped his fins
He walked towards Tommy the Cat and gave a devilish grin
We haven’t seen the cat in years but we found his third paw
Inside Freckles fish tank sitting there with his nails from his claw
Freckles was using them to clean his teeth and scratch his ass
The parrot stopped talking, Freckles must have given him some sass
One day, Freckles went all green and he got bigger and bigger
Then we saw the rat climb on his fish tank and pull the trigger
Of the plug, the water began to be drained until Freckles was on the floor
Soon, my dear Freckles was face to face with the slightly strained toilet door
My sister lifted it up and down went Freckles in the swirly, murky toilet water
Then she started screaming as the lid lifted up and something sharp caught her
There stood a scaly beast that reached the roof and its eyes looked at us two
I promise you, my reader, this story is one hundred percent, absolutely true!
So I have a now have a full grown CROCODILE named Freckles
He ate my sister but he is really good at heckles.