Take Your Time: It’s your Story

We want answers in a pile of questions
We feel lost yet there are so many directions
So many paths we could take
So many rules we have to break
Cause we are taught about the structure
The way things are built but not how they fracture 
How we are born with a chosen identity 
Defined by our gender and ethnicity 
Told that we must study to be on top
But now all we want to do is stop
Stop for a moment, pause, press rewind 
So we can breathe and have a chance to find 
Answers of the What ifs, Maybes and what do I do? 
Maybe there is something, anything, a clue 
Cause we have dreams and we have hopes 
But no one can teaches us how to cope
When life stills, when our dreams shatters 
What to do when you don’t even what matters
They told us in school that this is how life is 
But it’s not, there must have been something they missed 
They said that life is set and we will do fine 
Will have a degree and someone you can call mine 
Have a ring on your finger and a baby in hand 
Have life figured out but those people don’t understand 
Thinking we will die happy in our graves
But what if that’s not what God paved
Cause you failed high school, it was so tough 
You studied so hard but it’s wasn’t enough 
Got called dumb, you’re so stupid unlike the rest 
They all shout: you should have tried your best 
Fallen in love too many times, started to lose count 
Your heart been broken and mended over again, emotions start to mount 
You thought you had it- it lasted 4 years 
You chose to end it you’re covered in tears 
Believed so long that you’ll find your soulmate 
But then your heart whispers: what is it’s too late? 
Landed your first job at 21 at the grocery store 
Was so happy cause it will open more doors 
Been there for 2 years and you barely have no money 
So much for that degree, what are you doing with your life honey?
Your friends are married some have kids 
Then here are you not even knowing what you did 
What did you achieve from being so dumb
Where did Love take you apart from being numb 
What did life give you cause you are just stuck 
Asking you questions like do you give a fuck
Of course you do that’s why you continue on
Cause one mistake doesn’t mean you’re wrong 
One failure doesn’t mean you can’t succeed 
Wanting to be loved has nothing to do with greed 
Working a small job is hard for now but in 2 more years you will find 
That waiting patiently is a quality of a heart that is still kind 
Kind enough to let people in and strong enough to let it be broken 
Because though hardship and failure you will soon be outspoken 
On things you didn’t even know then and experiences you’ll cherish today 
And you’ll understand that maybe this was God’s way 
Of telling you to go at your own pace 
Take the downfalls and just embrace 
The little things coming together right before your eyes 
Of the tiny successes that life has disguised 
Cause you are breathing, look you’re alive 
And sooner or later, you will walk out there and thrive 
Sometimes life has a funny way of planning out 
Your story is being written and only you know what’s it about 
Take a step, be thankful and just live cause it’s not a crime 
Your life is yours so just take your time. 

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The Three Years Ends

After three years of stress and a lot of headaches, my time at university is done. I do not have to do any more lectures. No more participating or not participating in seminars. No more early, afternoon or really dark rides on the bus. No more pressing the button for the automatic doors so I can go in or out of uni. No more tapping in at every lesson. No more getting bombarded by people wanting me to do surveys or giving out leaflets that I will throw in the bin anyway. No more university.

I finished my last day yesterday with a quick review session for one of my modules. It only lasted 30 minutes which seemed pointless but at least I could stretch my legs a bit and walk around university for the last time. I’m going, to be honest, there really isn’t much to miss at university. I know that for some people university is the time to go down pubs or go clubbing to socialize. University is the place where you will find out who you are and what you want in life. By going to university, you will become more independent because you are away from your parents. University will be that place you will miss when it all ends. But all those things were never true for me. I prefer to stay at home watching cartoons and binge-watch my shows than going drinking out and living the club life. I lived with my parents for the three years whilst I was university and as far as I can tell it made me independent in ways I didn’t think it could. I did house chores (except cooking but I promise I’ll learn after my essays, Mum and Dad) and my parents also let me budget my student finances and I was even able to help a bit with a few things needed for the house. Staying at home also made me value family more which I did not value as much when I was still a teenager. I know a lot of people were telling me that I shouldn’t stay at home because it will ruin my time at university but if I did,  I believe I would have regretted it, especially with my little sister. Looking after her has been the best time to come out of the university experience and the reason I loved coming back home to my family. My family has been a big support system for me and even though we have fought and shouted at each other several times these three years, we have also made more funny and loving memories that I will cherish forever.

My experience at university was pretty good but I don’t think I will miss it as much as others make it out to be. I will probably miss the friends I’ve made and the some of the teachers which have impacted my life in terms of improving me as a person or helping me gain skills which I can use more in life but the experience…not so much. It was filled with stress, I cried a lot, threw a few things, dug my nails into stuff, swore and raised my middle finger at those elements that tried to rain on my semi-constructed parade. I didn’t really join any societies or made an impact there but I was able to do the one thing which I came to do when I told myself that university is the way. I was able to stick it through to the end and make my family and friends proud that soon I will be done with all the essays (just one more to do) and the three years of university will officially come to an end.

As for university helping me find who I am and what I want to do in life… I’ll keep you posted on that one when I know for sure. Now it’s time to finish the last ever university essay and once that’s all submitted I need to go searching for the next adventure to explore. So for now, thank you university friends and (some) teachers, it’s been fun knowing you and make sure you keep in touch.

See you at Graduation. 🎓